I'm usually a happy girl, everything usually goes my way.
I'm friendly and nice.
I work hard and stay positive about most things and karma usually rewards me with good stuff.
So I don't get what the hell happened because lately everything has gone to shit.
It all starts off with my measly paycheck that doesn't cover my rent as a result of cut hours at work caused by our "slow season".
Then on Thursday I get the horrid horrid news from my sister that my parents have decided to get a divorce. All my shifts at work have been miserable since then.
Then to top it all off, tonight at work I asked my manager Ahn about my promotion to food runner he said "We have to get through the holidays first, you have to be my star baker for a while still". WTF?!?! Last time we talked he said I'd be a food runner BY the holidays not after.
I got a incredibly low score on my math placement test so I have to go in on Tuesday and take a lower level math test. Now I feel like more of a F@cking idiot.
My car is on the verge of breaking down.
My back is out of place so I cant walk, sit, stand, or sleep comfortably, and its probably one of the causes of my almost constant headache that's been plaguing me this past week.
My solid foundation that was my family and home has been broken and it feels like my life is crumbling because of it.
And how do you reply when people ask if your ok? I've always been a lousy liar and I dont know what to say to people when they ask. Everything isnt ok but if I try to talk about it I burst into tears which makes them feel awkward and me feel stupid and angry. So I reply "OK" or "fine" which is not true and hurry away.
I would get drunk to try to drown it all out, but that would just cost money that I dont have and add a hangover to my list of woes.
I know, I know, in the end it will all be, OK but it sure is fucking miserable right now. It would help if I could just stay in bed for a week.
So, Karma if your listening, Im sorry for whatever I did. Will you please start being kind to me again? I would really appreciate it.
5 comments:
Wow, that is such a rough time for you to be going through. I wish there were words to make you feel better about all of that, but there's nothing I can say as a complete stranger that will be of much help.
I hope things turn around for you. Consider yourself e-hugged.
My little K-nudson, I want to give you a big hug right now. Everything will get better but I understand how you are feeling. I guess the saying is true: "when it rains, it pours" My jaw dropped to the floor when you talked about your parents getting a divorce. I am crying for you right now and know how much I love you. You are a great person (one of the greatest I know) and you deserve great things. Hang in there:)
Oh Amykins!
I'm so sorry all of that is happening to you. You are the sweetest person I know and you really don't deserve all this pain and stress. i wish we lived closer, that way we could take a shot and figure out a way to make things better. Let me know if i can do anything, Miss ya girly! Love ya too:)
Awww *sniff* thanks for the comments guys. I really appreciate it.
I've found its easier to just not think about it and have distracted myself with writing a short novel in a month! (www.nanowrimo.org)
I know ignoring it is not the healthiest way to get over things, but time seems to usually heal things for me.
As for work, as soon as I can talk to him without screaming and crying at him, Im gonna have a meeting with Ahn and explain yet again my financial situation and remind him about what he said before.
Thanks again :)
I think it always seems to happen this way. The old "it never rains but it pours" thing. I notice this myself. If one thing is pissing me off, you can bet everything will start to go to hell at the same time. I guess all you can do is have faith things will be ok, but I know it's hard. Stupid life! I'm pretty low on finances myself at the moment and I know what it's like worrying how you're even going to supply the basics let alone actually have a life. Good luck!
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